Ep 23 | Breakdown
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Description
I don’t know why I bother trying to plan out this season in advance. I got on Facebook and read the news about Breonna Taylor and how Brett Hankison, John Mattingly, and Myles Cosgrove will not face any indictment for her murder. And though we saw the signs and we’re learning our history, once again we were reminded of our place in this world in the eyes of men. And I couldn’t help but think, here we go again.
There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There is no proper way to go through this. There isn’t even one way to walk with you through this. So the music is just going to play. I won’t speak, but you can. Take this time to feel the depths of your feelings in a safe space. Cry if need. Scream. Sing. Laugh. Close your eyes. Hug yourself. Pray. Question. Rage. Dance. Breakdown. Let it out in this space. Know that I’m furiously grieving with you.
Today’s episode is dedicated to you Breonna Taylor.
episode transcript
INTRO
I don’t know why I bother trying to plan out this season in advance. Today I wanted to talk with you about how you are taking care of yourself as COVID rages on. Then this morning, I felt compelled to talk about the importance on focusing on your health and the reasons that we sometimes put it off. But then I got on Facebook and read the news about Breonna Taylor and how Brett Hankison, John Mattingly, and Myles Cosgrove will not face any indictment for her murder. And that was followed by waves of grief from the people I follow. Switched to Instagram and it was there, too. And though we saw the signs and we’re learning our history, once again we were reminded of our place in this world in the eyes of men. And I couldn’t help but think, here we go again.
Here comes the pain. Here comes the discomfort. Here comes the arguments about why it was justified or what this defenseless black person should have done differently or how voting in a broken two party system is the ultimate solution. And here I am again, to talk to you about grief.
But I’m tired too. I’m tired of this, the utter disregard for the humanity of black and brown bodies to be what we constantly have to grieve over. And I’m trying not to let my anger get the best of me. I’m trying to hold on to how Christ sees me, how He sees you. I’m trying to reconcile how the world treats us under His sovereignty. This is hard to admit but I cannot serve you by lying about how I feel. I need some space. And so do you.
So as much as I want to rant and rave about how they call this a “democracy” so that you can feel like you have a choice in how you live out your life and how the idea of hope feels like it is used against us, today, I will hold space for you, Dear Listener.
There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There is no proper way to go through this. There isn’t even one way to walk with you through this. So in a bit, the music is just going to play. I won’t speak, but you can. Take this time to feel the depths of your feelings in a safe space. Cry if need. Scream. Sing. Laugh. Close your eyes. Hug yourself. Pray. Question. Rage. Dance. Breakdown. Let it out in this space. Know that I’m furiously grieving with you.
Today’s episode is dedicated to you Breonna.
Today on Loose Change, Breakdown.
Outro
As we make our way to come back, gently take some deep breaths. Just in and out.
In and out. Focus on your breathing. Centre yourself.
Take a moment to take stock of where you are and what's around you. Notice where your feet are planted. Look at where you hands are placed. Breathe in and breathe out. We're going to gently ground you back down.
If you want to hear a bit more about grief, you can take a listen to episode 15, How to Grieve Because It is Okay to Grieve. It's just one episode of the Grief Series that you can find on the website, loosechangepodcast.com/episodes
I don't know what happens next, what we are supposed to do. I don't know how to heal from this, how long it will take. I also don't think that matters right now. Right now, Dear Listener, you are hurting. And if you'll let me, I want to be there with you.
Before we go, I just want to read a prayer written by Cole Arthur Riley, writer of Black Liturgies:
Thank you for your time today. Let's talk again soon, same time next week. Ok? I love you. Bye.
The music from this week's episode was produced by RalphReal, Underbelly, and The Brothers Records.
The prayer was from Cole Arthur Riley. You can find more of her black liturgies on Instagram. Also support her Patreon. The work she is doing is important and necessary.
To listen to the entire Grief Series, please visit loosechangepodcast.com. We talk about why it's okay to grieve, how it's okay to not be okay and what not to say to a friend that is going through the hard work of grief. I hope it helps.
