A podcast about change
and how being emotionally honest with yourself can allow you to grow.
Thank you for your patience and support. Season 3 will be coming back soon.
The Grief Series
New episode out now
When I wrote the episode Please Don't Ask Me if I'm Okay, it came as a response to the amount of people asking me and many of my black friends about their mental state without fully understanding what they were asking for. I followed up that episode with What Not to Say When You Don't Know What to Say. That was a totally practical interview with Oliver Ip, pastoral scholar and psychologist in training. In that episode, Ollie and I went over things one should avoid saying to a friend that is grieving or in pain. I asked Ollie, how do you tell someone that you don't see them as 'safe.' That they are not who you would like to give access to your grief or pain for the sake of your mental stability or because you're not looking for advice or whatever. So listen to hear his response.
Oliver Ip is (was) a pastor, a life coach and a theological scholar, but more importantly, he was the one who taught me how to practically care for others. I've finally got him on the podcast to share some of the best and worst things you can say to someone who is grieving. Today’s episode could be thought of as Part 3 of this series of What to Do When Your Friend is not okay. I took a lot away from this episode. I know you will too.
I had to take a week off of the podcast to collect my thoughts and quite frankly grieve. A lot. I've had a few breakdowns, a few uplifting moments, but overall this year has been unbelievably overwhelming. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. I had one moment in particular where my grieving was kind of put on display, in public (without my consent) and it completely unravelled me.
Grief is the experience we go through when something or someone is taken away from us. It is a sense of loss, and it is a loss that is personal and individual. My original plan for this episode was very different. The title was different. The subject matter was about the same, I knew that I wanted to talk about grief and how to push through it. And like the rest of this season, I wanted to interview a friend about how they kept going even through the lowest moments of their lives. But then, their lows kept getting lower.
This prayer was taken for the book Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community. I liked the way that it acknowledges our mourning for the way things used to be. If you are looking for more guided prayers, I’d recommend you check out the book Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community. Monday’s episode looks more in to mourning, grief, and loss. Talk to you then.
As a bonus episode, I decided to read the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. You may recognise the beginning as it is often used in 12-step programmes. And it's obvious to see why. Hope you enjoy.
Today
on
Loose
Change
Season 3 | [coming back soon]
I don’t know why I bother trying to plan out this season in advance. I got on Facebook and read the news about Breonna Taylor and how Brett Hankison, John Mattingly, and Myles Cosgrove will not face any indictment for her murder. And though we saw the signs and we’re learning our history, once again we were reminded of our place in this world in the eyes of men. And I couldn’t help but think, here we go again.
There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There is no proper way to go through this. There isn’t even one way to walk with you through this. So the music is just going to play. I won’t speak, but you can. Take this time to feel the depths of your feelings in a safe space. Know that I’m furiously grieving with you.
Today’s episode is dedicated to you Breonna Taylor.
When I wrote the episode Please Don't Ask Me if I'm Okay, it came as a response to the amount of people asking me and many of my black friends about their mental state without fully understanding what they were asking for. I followed up that episode with What Not to Say When You Don't Know What to Say. That was a totally practical interview with Oliver Ip, pastoral scholar and psychologist in training. In that episode, Ollie and I went over things one should avoid saying to a friend that is grieving or in pain. I asked Ollie, how do you tell someone that you don't see them as 'safe.' That they are not who you would like to give access to your grief or pain for the sake of your mental stability or because you're not looking for advice or whatever. So listen to hear his response.
If you've listened to the last season of this podcast, you'll know that my husband lost his job here in Hong Kong and with two kids and two sets of student loan debt, we have to be a two income household. Paying US$2400 for our 600 sq ft flat doesn't help either. But we were hopeful, optimistic. We believe that after 10 years of working for the same company, it was time for David to find something new, something better, that this was a chance to flex these skills elsewhere. That was back in March. And here we are in September. And 6 months of rejections has really taken its toll on us, on him. So with the money we have left and our daughters by our side, we prepare to leave.
Welcome to Season 3 of the Loose Change podcast. My name is Deanna and today is my birthday!
As this podcast evolves and starts to take form, I want to make sure that you feel like it's really made for you. During the break, I took a step back to listen to what you are talking about in your day to day lives, the transitions you are going through, the hard work you are doing, the triumphs you've celebrated. And I find that we are a lot alike and so very different. And that, above all else makes me encouraged for us to go through change together.
Season 3 of the Loose Change Podcast is coming soon. Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss it. You can find me on Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, RadioPublic, Overbreaker, and of course on my brand new website, loosechangepodcast.com. I'll see you there.
season 2 | How to Interviews
My podcast is about change. And on it you will hear honest, vulnerable, and diverse self-talk and storytelling from people who sound like you. And you should listen if you are going through change. Then we can go through it together. I believe, when we are emotionally honest with ourselves, we allow yourself to grow. Join me every week on my podcast Loose Change where we’ll dive maybe a little too deeply into my own self-talk and life changes, so that you have the tools and the courage to dive into your own.
On this episode of Loose Change, I only felt the need to reflect on what I learned about podcasting from producing these last two seasons. I wanted to talk to you about what I learned about interviewing, editing, and endurance, just being able to follow through and complete the season. But this season didn’t go the way that I planned it, but probably because these last six months did not go the way that we planned it.
Oliver Ip is (was) a pastor, a life coach and a theological scholar, but more importantly, he was the one who taught me how to practically care for others. I've finally got him on the podcast to share some of the best and worst things you can say to someone who is grieving. Today’s episode could be thought of as Part 3 of this series of What to Do When Your Friend is not okay. I took a lot away from this episode. I know you will too.
I had to take a week off of the podcast to collect my thoughts and quite frankly grieve. A lot. I've had a few breakdowns, a few uplifting moments, but overall this year has been unbelievably overwhelming. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. I had one moment in particular where my grieving was kind of put on display, in public (without my consent) and it completely unravelled me.
I read a couple of articles in the Atlantic and the Wall Street Journal that talked about studies around why we rewatch movies and tv shows. Studies showed that there was a therapeutic benefit to the déja vu. Of course, there is the sense of nostalgia, visiting a happy place or moment that you’ve already been. Another point is that because you’ve seen it before, there will be no surprises.
On last week’s episode, I shared some thoughts on grief and how you and I can support our loved ones while they are grieving some sort of loss. And that reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine, let’s call her Yvette.* Yvette and her husband are a black couple living in Asia. Her husband is a pilot, well actually a captain, and often has to travel away from her and their two boys for weeks at a time.
Grief is the experience we go through when something or someone is taken away from us. It is a sense of loss, and it is a loss that is personal and individual. My original plan for this episode was very different. The title was different. The subject matter was about the same, I knew that I wanted to talk about grief and how to push through it. And like the rest of this season, I wanted to interview a friend about how they kept going even through the lowest moments of their lives. But then, their lows kept getting lower.
This virus season has been for some, a moment to slow down. For some, it’s been a stressful speed up especially for doctors and nurses. And then there are some people who have found the opportunity being shut in during this pandemic to create something new. But that’s the thing about creativity, it can flourish anywhere any time. On today’s episode of Loose Change, I wanted to introduce you to three friends of mine who are all starting their very own podcast.
There are some moments in life when so much is happening and there is some much change going on that it can feel overwhelming. I know for me, I instantly feel the panic and the pain before I can sit down and unravel what’s going on. And maybe it’s the same for you. In those moments, when I feel like I’m losing control and the world is too heavy, I turn to prayer.
Last year, I asked Derek if he would coach me and I am not exaggerating when I say, it was life changing. So today on the podcast, I asked Derek if he would mind speaking to you. Because you’re going through a lot right now and your life has probably been directly or indirectly affected by the virus.
We had a conversation a few months ago, when the virus first hit Hong Kong. What I really liked about our talk was how Moon defined her “otherness” and how she was able to learn more about herself by moving to the other side of the world.
Season 1 | Emotional Honesty
Y’know how in reality TV Shows, they come in and fix your car, flip your house, save your marriage and basically change your whole life in like two days? As if human beings are capable of changing their lives in a short amount of time? Yeah, I didn’t always buy that either. But now, as I’ve just hit 30 and seeing how fast my life is changing, I’m learning just how much I can be pulled, stretched, challenged and broken and somehow keep raising 2 kids. Change is hard, but so is being human. And if you’re changing too, meet your new accountability partner!
Season Finale! For the final episode of the first season of Loose Change, I wanted to share with you a very special interview I did. I talk about my insecurities a lot on this show, so I wanted to talk with someone who consistently works at building up hers. So much so that she can battle through some of what the world throws at her.
This is a reupload, as it looks like the first time I published this episode, it didn’t make it passed the first segment. And honestly I was so in my feelings about a completely unrelated matter that I got overly angry about this and the lack of solutions I could find to fix it! But now, I’m tired and I realized I could just recreate the episode. Because duh. Let me know if it works by liking, commenting and subscribing!
I was disciplining my daughter in public and some woman decided (maybe just in my head) that I was being too mean to this little girl and just had to do something (albeit a very small something) but that set me off. And I want to (HAVE TO) talk about it.
I was going to record an episode about my husband, but when I went to record, Aria decided to throw a tantrum. But when life gives you lemons, make a podcast! C’mon, you know you saw that joke coming.
I only just realized that if I continue being honest on this podcast, which is probably essential to this podcast, I can’t really continue covering up how I feel about things in real life. 😂
This episode is entirely me externally processing, no edits. To be honest, I didn’t really feel like recording, but it’s amazing that you can discover something new just by diving a little deeper into your feelings. I also shared a little bit about how I started this podcast because tangents.
Let’s pretend that you’re sitting in a job interview and the hiring manager asks you that infamous question: “What is your biggest weakness?” And you respond, “I’m a perfectionist.” And you know why you’ve answered this way, because many people don’t view perfectionism as a bad thing, on the contrary it can be a strength! But for me, it was toxic, being a perfectionist. So now I’m in recovery and I want to talk about it.
Growing up, when our parents did something that we didn’t agree with we would often say, “When I grow up, I’ll never do that to my kid!” But parenthood is a real struggle and while I no longer hold it against my mom for trying to force me to eat broccoli or clean my room, I am looking at how my parenting style has changed over the years and how I compare it to hers.
Why do I fear making a bad impression? Why would I rather skip doing something beneficial because of that fear? How much does my race define what I will and will not do? How much of that can I change?
Do you ever feel like you are not as capable, not as talented, not as good as people believe you are? Do you feel like your taking up some worthier person’s place and you’ve faked your way into it? I’ve been a victim of Imposter Syndrome for most of my life and honestly I didn’t know there was anyway else for me to feel. But then, my life changed.
Listen to the trailer
Take a second and listen to your inner voice. What does it say to you? How do your thoughts react to the good things that happen in your life? “They don’t realise that I don’t deserve to be here. This won’t last so don’t get attached.” What about the bad things? “Don’t make a big deal out of this. It’s because you're black and a woman, so there’s nothing you can do about that. Why can’t you just get over it already?” For most of my life, I believed what my inner voice told me because I thought she was me. And that’s how I would always be. That is, until I learned that I could change. And not reality show makeover change. I mean radical, overwhelming, self-talk changing change. I believe, when we are emotionally honest with ourselves, we allow yourself to grow. Join me every week on my podcast Loose Change where we’ll dive maybe a little too deeply into my own self-talk and life changes, so that you have the tools and the courage to dive into your own. Listen on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Your accountability partner
About Deanna Denham-Hughes
If I had never been called Medusa because of my braids, if I had never had to miss meals as a child and an adult, if I had never had terrible relationships, if I had never married my husband, if I had never had two terrible pregnancies and two beautiful daughters, if I had never suffered from postpartum depression, I would have never questioned the narrative that I was told my life should follow. And if not for that, I would have never found a purpose for my creativity.
I don’t know why I bother trying to plan out this season in advance. I got on Facebook and read the news about Breonna Taylor and how Brett Hankison, John Mattingly, and Myles Cosgrove will not face any indictment for her murder. And though we saw the signs and we’re learning our history, once again we were reminded of our place in this world in the eyes of men. And I couldn’t help but think, here we go again.
There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There is no proper way to go through this. There isn’t even one way to walk with you through this. So the music is just going to play. I won’t speak, but you can. Take this time to feel the depths of your feelings in a safe space. Know that I’m furiously grieving with you.
Today’s episode is dedicated to you Breonna Taylor.