I don’t know why I bother trying to plan out this season in advance. I got on Facebook and read the news about Breonna Taylor and how Brett Hankison, John Mattingly, and Myles Cosgrove will not face any indictment for her murder. And though we saw the signs and we’re learning our history, once again we were reminded of our place in this world in the eyes of men. And I couldn’t help but think, here we go again.

There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There is no proper way to go through this. There isn’t even one way to walk with you through this. So the music is just going to play. I won’t speak, but you can. Take this time to feel the depths of your feelings in a safe space. Know that I’m furiously grieving with you.

Today’s episode is dedicated to you Breonna Taylor.

When I wrote the episode Please Don't Ask Me if I'm Okay, it came as a response to the amount of people asking me and many of my black friends about their mental state without fully understanding what they were asking for. I followed up that episode with What Not to Say When You Don't Know What to Say. That was a totally practical interview with Oliver Ip, pastoral scholar and psychologist in training. In that episode, Ollie and I went over things one should avoid saying to a friend that is grieving or in pain. I asked Ollie, how do you tell someone that you don't see them as 'safe.' That they are not who you would like to give access to your grief or pain for the sake of your mental stability or because you're not looking for advice or whatever. So listen to hear his response.

If you've listened to the last season of this podcast, you'll know that my husband lost his job here in Hong Kong and with two kids and two sets of student loan debt, we have to be a two income household. Paying US$2400 for our 600 sq ft flat doesn't help either. But we were hopeful, optimistic. We believe that after 10 years of working for the same company, it was time for David to find something new, something better, that this was a chance to flex these skills elsewhere. That was back in March. And here we are in September. And 6 months of rejections has really taken its toll on us, on him. So with the money we have left and our daughters by our side, we prepare to leave.

Welcome to Season 3 of the Loose Change podcast. My name is Deanna and today is my birthday!

As this podcast evolves and starts to take form, I want to make sure that you feel like it's really made for you. During the break, I took a step back to listen to what you are talking about in your day to day lives, the transitions you are going through, the hard work you are doing, the triumphs you've celebrated. And I find that we are a lot alike and so very different. And that, above all else makes me encouraged for us to go through change together.

Season 3 of the Loose Change Podcast is coming soon. Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss it. You can find me on Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, RadioPublic, Overbreaker, and of course on my brand new website, loosechangepodcast.com. I'll see you there.

On this episode of Loose Change, I only felt the need to reflect on what I learned about podcasting from producing these last two seasons. I wanted to talk to you about what I learned about interviewing, editing, and endurance, just being able to follow through and complete the season. But this season didn’t go the way that I planned it, but probably because these last six months did not go the way that we planned it.

Oliver Ip is (was) a pastor, a life coach and a theological scholar, but more importantly, he was the one who taught me how to practically care for others. I've finally got him on the podcast to share some of the best and worst things you can say to someone who is grieving. Today’s episode could be thought of as Part 3 of this series of What to Do When Your Friend is not okay. I took a lot away from this episode. I know you will too.

I had to take a week off of the podcast to collect my thoughts and quite frankly grieve. A lot. I've had a few breakdowns, a few uplifting moments, but overall this year has been unbelievably overwhelming. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. I had one moment in particular where my grieving was kind of put on display, in public (without my consent) and it completely unravelled me.

I read a couple of articles in the Atlantic and the Wall Street Journal that talked about studies around why we rewatch movies and tv shows. Studies showed that there was a therapeutic benefit to the déja vu. Of course, there is the sense of nostalgia, visiting a happy place or moment that you’ve already been. Another point is that because you’ve seen it before, there will be no surprises.

On last week’s episode, I shared some thoughts on grief and how you and I can support our loved ones while they are grieving some sort of loss. And that reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine, let’s call her Yvette.* Yvette and her husband are a black couple living in Asia. Her husband is a pilot, well actually a captain, and often has to travel away from her and their two boys for weeks at a time.

Grief is the experience we go through when something or someone is taken away from us. It is a sense of loss, and it is a loss that is personal and individual. My original plan for this episode was very different. The title was different. The subject matter was about the same, I knew that I wanted to talk about grief and how to push through it. And like the rest of this season, I wanted to interview a friend about how they kept going even through the lowest moments of their lives. But then, their lows kept getting lower.

This prayer was taken for the book Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community. I liked the way that it acknowledges our mourning for the way things used to be. If you are looking for more guided prayers, I’d recommend you check out the book Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community. Monday’s episode looks more in to mourning, grief, and loss. Talk to you then.

This virus season has been for some, a moment to slow down. For some, it’s been a stressful speed up especially for doctors and nurses. And then there are some people who have found the opportunity being shut in during this pandemic to create something new. But that’s the thing about creativity, it can flourish anywhere any time. On today’s episode of Loose Change, I wanted to introduce you to three friends of mine who are all starting their very own podcast.

As a bonus episode, I decided to read the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. You may recognise the beginning as it is often used in 12-step programmes. And it's obvious to see why. Hope you enjoy.

There are some moments in life when so much is happening and there is some much change going on that it can feel overwhelming. I know for me, I instantly feel the panic and the pain before I can sit down and unravel what’s going on. And maybe it’s the same for you. In those moments, when I feel like I’m losing control and the world is too heavy, I turn to prayer.

Last year, I asked Derek if he would coach me and I am not exaggerating when I say, it was life changing. So today on the podcast, I asked Derek if he would mind speaking to you. Because you’re going through a lot right now and your life has probably been directly or indirectly affected by the virus.

We had a conversation a few months ago, when the virus first hit Hong Kong. What I really liked about our talk was how Moon defined her “otherness” and how she was able to learn more about herself by moving to the other side of the world.

Season Finale! For the final episode of the first season of Loose Change, I wanted to share with you a very special interview I did. I talk about my insecurities a lot on this show, so I wanted to talk with someone who consistently works at building up hers. So much so that she can battle through some of what the world throws at her.

This is a reupload, as it looks like the first time I published this episode, it didn’t make it passed the first segment. And honestly I was so in my feelings about a completely unrelated matter that I got overly angry about this and the lack of solutions I could find to fix it! But now, I’m tired and I realized I could just recreate the episode. Because duh. Let me know if it works by liking, commenting and subscribing!

I was disciplining my daughter in public and some woman decided (maybe just in my head) that I was being too mean to this little girl and just had to do something (albeit a very small something) but that set me off. And I want to (HAVE TO) talk about it.

I was going to record an episode about my husband, but when I went to record, Aria decided to throw a tantrum. But when life gives you lemons, make a podcast! C’mon, you know you saw that joke coming.